A bootcamp holiday in Thailand… What thoughts does that conjure to you? A week of clean living, healthy eating and detox? Perhaps an insanely militant schedule of hard-core classes held on the beach? Or perhaps endless mindfulness and yoga practice with the waves gently crashing behind you?
Why surely you would end up abs of steel, a hot ass and a clear and refreshed mind, having had plenty of rest and relaxation on top of working hard…
Well. Not exactly.
Last week, I took what I thought would be the opportunity of a lifetime, something I have genuinely been dreaming about doing for years. I packed my bags full of any and all the gym outfits kits I could find (thanks also to a quick emergency trip to the outlet mall!) and got myself mentally prepared for a week of no booze, detoxing both body and mind and full-on eight hours a day of training and working out.
Upon arriving at my final destination at 9am local time and off the back of an overnight flight, I was informed my entire detox and fitness plan would not start until the following day. Hmmmmmmmmm, now what?
I like to think of myself as a relatively resourceful individual (being an only child and all), so I’m usually capable of entertaining myself. Yet – when you are situated in a tiny back-street town in Phuket with not much going on in the days and only a small gym to use (I mean, two hours and I reaaaalllllyyy maxed out!) I was left feeling bored and a little bit doubtful of my quest for pure fitness / body of a goddess! There seemed to be quite a few people kicking about the place, yet everyone was seemingly running to the next class, booking in to see the health advisor…
FINALLY it reaches 6pm and people start filtering in to the main area – yaaaassssssssss – LIFE! Folks are chatting and at last I have some actual human interaction! Seems there’s a walk planned up a huge hill to a really pretty view. Great! Seems like an active, wholesome activity – I’m in!
We took a taxi in the end (not my idea, seriously – honest, I promise!) still, to the cliffside as promised – but we are going to a bar. A bar? On a detox and fitness week? Hmmmmmmmmm, this surely isn’t what I’ve signed up for…
The view was absolutely stunning, so lived up to all promises – yet all of my new fitness buddies have been unleashed in to the wild and they are GET. TING. ON. IT! Surely this spells trouble. Just have one glass of red wine and some nibbles, then make your excuses and bail… but the tiredness of the overnight flight is kicking in… Just one more glass of red won’t hurt will it? Will it?
Well, turns out it did. You can probably guess by the way I’m talking that the night descended in to steady and heavy drinking. Some folks were sensible enough to take themselves off around 11pm. Not me, oh no. By that point, the night is in full swing and we’re in Thailand for god’s sake! The party can end after tonight and the detox can start tomorrow! Whoooooooooooooooo-hooo!
…It actually ended rather abruptly at around 3:30am, when I took a massive tumble (in an act of bravery trying to protect one of my new found bezzies when for some reason all hell broke loose, I’ll have you know), managing to lacerate both of my legs good and proper, fully putting me out of action for the next week to come (at least).
So it turns out the excitement of meeting new people has prevailed against me being good, sensible and healthy – no matter where I am and even when in a place that’s meant to specialise in the latter!
Oh and if you’re wondering about the bootcamp part? I adamantly took part in a few classes whilst pretty much tearing up in pain the whole way through. I eventually realised my participation in all activities (even a long walk had me on my knees in the end!) was a lost cause and departed early due to my injuries.
So anyone fancy a walk, maybe a quick drink later? Nah mate, think I’ll just stick to the gym in future!